Written by one of the women on my July Mom internet boards. So true...
10. Friends and family members keep hounding you wanting to know where the baby is, like you have some magical future seeing gift that has never been utilized until now...
9. You are exhausted, sleep deprived, and hormonal, and you know that having your baby isn't going to solve these problems but only multiply them.
8. You think, "It's ok if I am a bit overdue, it will give me time to catch up on reading all those baby books I ordered first trimester." READER BEWARE...For each piece of advice found in Book # 1 will harm your baby and set them on the path of destruction for the rest of their life according to Book #2.
7. Oh, and that baby bag you had to have packed at week 36, "just in case" has now been ripped open multiple times. You are now more unorganized than you were before. It's like you are living out of a hotel suitcase. (Not to mention the car seat that has be installed and uninstalled six times...)
6. Hoping to find solace in other womens' situations, you get on the Bump July Forum to read about other women in your shoes and can only find birth story posts... Maybe its time to switch to the August board...
5. You decide to use the beginning of your maternity leave productively by organizing and cleaning your entire house, only to have it get dirty in the 3 weeks you have been waiting to go into labor... Everyday that goes by with no baby means more OCD obsessed behavior picking up tiny crumbs that only you can see and organizing your baby books alphabetically by the author's last name.
4. Every twinge or pain you have somehow tricks your mind into thinking you are going into labor. "My left buttcheek is really sore today..., maybe it is pressure from the baby and it is an early labor sign..." It looks like I will be spending the next 3 hours searching google.
3. When you actually have enough energy to find a decent outfit and venture out of your air conditioned home, you are bombarded with people not only staring at you, but asking the most personal questions about your pregnancy stats. In some cases, after politely answering these well meaning people, you get to hear their personal stories about child birth and child rearing...
2. You get excited for your weekly internal check only to be disappointed by one of two things... Scenario #1- You have made no progress. Scenario #2- You have made progress and when telling friends and family, you hear various stories about how that doesn't really matter because so and so walked around 5 cm dilated and 100% effaced for 3 weeks. "I mean the baby was practically hanging out of her and she STILL wasn't in active labor." (This could be a slight exaggeration :)
1. At any given moment, it is possible that a strong gush of water may come bursting out of your vagina. Therefore, when you are sane enough to even leave the privacy of your own home, you start imagining it happening everywhere you go and scheme a possible, "My water just broke plan" incase it does happen. When you return home with your water still in tact, you actually find yourself disappointed that you didn't get to dash to your car with a huge wet spot on your now too small for me maternity shorts at Walmart with everyone staring...
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