A Cubed Plus Two: The last few weeks.

Until yesterday, since about a week before Christmas, I had a husband that was home to help with the kiddos. He worked a lot from home, but HE WAS HERE. For breakfast, for poopy diapers, for rocking, for dinner, for the endless back and forth bedtime routine with Adalyn…for grocery shopping!! Andrew gets insulted when I tell him that it felt like, for once, that I had a real partner in this whole parenting thing. It hasn't always felt like that. How could it when he is gone 16 hours a day? Well, this week marked the return to reality as Andrew's last semester (last!) of grad school kicked off. He was back on the 6am train and to make things all that much more wonderful, both girls have been sporting 102-104 fevers for the last oh say, 36 hours. It's been a hard 2 days, mentally more than physically, I think. I miss my partner. The last 2 days I've run around like a chicken with my head cut off from bath time to a session, to answering an email, to wiping a bum…you get the idea. Even with my mom around to help out today, I just feel, um, "ahhhhhhhh". So many feelings of CAN'T DO IT ALL. WHERE DO I START? DID I SHOWER? IS THAT POOP? CRAP, I MISSED A CALL WITH A CLIENT. DID I EVEN FEED HER LUNCH?

Sometimes I all too easily forget that God is walking all of this with me. He hears my cries for help even when I'm not crying out for help. I have a family member who I love more than anything that tells me that she has never heard God speak to her. Well, yesterday, He spoke to me in an email from a dear, dear, friend. Just out of nowhere, she sent me this email:

He tends His flock like a shepherd, He gathers the lambs in His arms, He carries them close to His heart; (here comes a promise that brought me hope, relief, and healing)
> He gently leads those with young."

He speaks to you, just not always in the way we are listening for it. And just like He tells me that I'm a good mother and that He is leading me and I'm not alone, He also tells me to keep pursuing my career dreams.

A lot has also happened for me professionally in the last days. I was accepted into CMpro…a designation that I've yearned for since I starting my business mid 2012. I had a feature in the Clickin Moms email that goes out to hundred of thousands of people, and a feature over on the National Association of Professional Child Photographers (NAPCP)….http://www.napcp.com….umm my face is on their front page!! And just this Saturday, I drove up to MA to work with one of the most incredible newborn photographers in the country. I have no doubt that this is what I'm supposed to be doing, but I also know that my family life is always to be the priority. I'm hoping that a move to more newborn and maternity photography will allow me to have many more weekends with family and just a few shoots of cute little babies during the week. We are also hoping/praying that the job Andrew accepts in May is also something that will allow him to balance family and work. We had some great family time in the last 10 days.

The last days with Daddy were spent attempting potty training (a sort of FAIL, but we're getting there. I just need more sleep to deal with the frustrations).